Do we dare fully embrace
The tears that long to heal our race?
Do we dare release our pain
So Love can find its place again?
We must.
Looking back and facing tough times can trigger deep feelings and it is important that we embrace them and allow the natural healing process. This may be difficult for people who have been hurt for crying, like what happened to many of the Native children in the Christian residential schools. Embracing anger is easier, but its important to not stay stuck in the surface of the anger, which happens when the pain beneath it is not released. Victims of severe suppression of sadness must convince themselves that its OK to cry and that nothing bad is going to happen to them if they do. It truly is OK to cry. Crying is the most important thing we can do to heal ourselves.
Among the things that have forced people to suppress feelings are brain and feeling numbing pharmaceuticals and certain types of microwave targeting and certain types of brain damage that has been being inflicted with it. But we also do some suppression on our own. Our world has a lot of messages that push us to suppress our feelings of sadness - to "get over it", to pretend it's not there or to "put it behind us" as quickly as possible. And this is another reason why so many of us have become far better at suppressing our tears than we are at letting them flow and releasing the pain.
We have wasted a lot of money and energy in the process of suppressing our sadness with overdoses of caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, food, drugs, TV, texting, sleeping, intellectualizing, working, exercising...etc. We have often been doing excessive amounts of things that keep us distracted from our feelings. We have often kept ourselves so busy that there's no time to feel or heal anything! And we have often tried to stop others from feeling their feelings, because their sadness triggers ours and we don't want to feel ours.
We must be free of all that blocks us and stop
our own suppressing habits, in order to fully heal.
Fully feeling our sadness can sometimes be overwhelming, especially when a healthy grieving process is not supported by the people around us. Even in the most supportive environments, it can be difficult to completely embrace our grief. Like many other things in our world, suppression is the easiest route to take, but certainly NOT the healthy one. I want to encourage you to let it out - to cry and release the pain.
Crying is like giving the heart a shower to wash away the dirt.
It really helps to have support and many of the professional types of support are not very healing, these days, because they tend to prescribe pharmaceuticals that block feelings and numb the mind, which actually prevents real healing. So, I want to encourage people to start their own support groups and make them a safe place to share experiences and feel the feelings that surface.
Start Your Own Support Group
Anyone can start a group where experiences can be shared and feelings can be embraced and support and love can grow. If you do not have loved ones, friends or acquaintances who want to join a group you can advertise for people in a local paper. Groups of between four and eight people work well. Here are some basic guidelines to get started with. You can add to them or alter them to fit your own needs.
Support Group Guidelines
1. Each member must join with integrity; Just one disrespectful act or comment can make the whole group feel too uncomfortable.
2. Begin each meeting with some sort of prayer or wish; Perhaps for Healing in your Hearts.
3. Take turns sharing - with only one person talking at a time; Perhaps use a "Talking Stick".
4. Practice strict levels of confidentiality; do not repeat what other members share, outside the group, unless they give their permission to.
5. Encourage talking about losses and painful experiences; Good questions for members to share the answers to are; what was the worst experience in childhood or since. And the opposite too - what was best experience?
6. Focus on fully listening to each individual who speaks; so that each individual feels heard and cared for. Do your best to empathize.
7. Absolutely NO advise giving unless it is specifically asked for; this is important.
8. Practice the deepest possible levels of compassion; try to empathize with each person who shares.
9. Embrace and encourage ALL feelings; anger, fear, sadness, joy...etc. Just make sure that anger is not expressed in hurtful ways.
10. Make a firm commitment to at least a certain number of meetings; this will allow time to iron out the wrinkles, and see how well its working. It can then go on for years and either close its door to new members or open to new members...etc.
11. Open to new members or closed?; a group that works really well together, and is doing deep levels of healing, may want to close the door to new members so that the momentum is not broken. But opening the door to new members can help it evolve in other ways too.
12. Treat each other with utmost respect; it is crucial to NOT sexually approach anyone who is in shock or grief. The group should not be used to find or form relationships, because this can prevent the healing process. If an attraction happens, do not act on it until the group healing sessions are over.
13. Remain consistent with times and dates; this is important because members need it to be something they can depend on being there for them.
14. Pass leadership around, so that no one has complete control of the group; this helps prevent the group from creeping into dysfunctional patterns. HOWEVER, some groups may need an experienced leader to guide it along.
15. Add any other guidelines or rituals that your group agrees upon; be open to changes and the needs of every member. A candle in the center of a circle and periodic burning of sage helps to create a relaxed and healing environment.
16. End each meeting with a long group hug; :-) everyone walks away feeling comforted.
Its OK to Cry
Crying opens Hearts and lets the Spirit in.
Healing Visualizations
This is a process of using your imagination to open a doorway to a healing place. Its based on the type of inner child healing that John Bradshaw did in his first "Homecoming" book and TV series. This is just an idea and it is your choice as to whether or not you want to do it. Consult your own instincts and get some support with it if you need it.
I have done the following types of exercises many times with very positive results. You can alter and personalize this visualization in any way you want. It may be wise to do it with a friend or someone who can be a good source of support for you. Be ready to embrace whatever feelings come up. Let yourself cry if tears come, so that you can release the pain and unblock your Heart and Spirit.
If you want to do this, you can either memorize the steps or make a recording of yourself or someone else slowly reading out the instructions, and then use the recording to guide you through the visualization process. If you do a recording be sure to pause for at least ten seconds at the places where you would be interacting with the child. I'll put a star (*) in the places where a ten second pause should be.
If you are not able to visualize anything, keep trying. It may be because something has blocked that part of your brain. Things that can block visualizations are brain numbing psychiatric pharmaceuticals (like antidepressants...etc.), some street drugs and certain frequencies of radio waves that some of our environments have been being flooded with. You may need to free yourself from things that prevent the visualization process. If you want to free yourself of the pharmaceuticals, do it wisely and in ways that will not have ill effects, possibly slowly and under a type of professional supervision that is supportive of the healing process.
The visualizing part of the brain can also be damaged by electric shock treatments, which it appears some victims of the schools were inflicted with. If this is the case, keep trying and pray for healing of your brain. Repeatedly think about pure white Light pouring into your brain and healing it. And keep trying to visualize.
Child Retrieval Visualization
1. Find a peaceful and private place where you will not be disturbed. Sit or lay in a comfortable position and close your eyes. Focus on deeply breathing and relaxing every muscle in your body. Tense up your shoulders and then release and relax them. Do the same with your arms and legs. Repeat this until you feel the muscles fully relaxing.
Imagine going to a peaceful place out in nature. Notice the wind in the trees and the sounds of nature. * Imagine pure white Light streaming down into that area and into your body; in through the top of your head and filling your whole chest and flowing out into your arms and down into your legs. (If the Light does not fill your body right away, its OK. Keep doing it and you will probably get further with it each time. It helps to even just want this Light.) **
2 . Imagine seeing either an Angel or a gentle animal or the Spirit of a loved one coming to be your friend and help you through this. It can be whatever will help you to feel safe and not alone. It just has to be a gentle, loving, strong being. (It can be more than one being.) * Ask this being if he/she will go on a journey with you and help you. *
3. There is a path that leads out of the forest and to a place where you were hurt when you were a child. (This can be a house or a school or other building or place.) Walk down that path toward the building with your Spirit friend. Walk up to the door. Tell yourself that you are safe and nothing bad is going to happen. Your Spirit helper is there with you. You are safe. If you see anything that scares you, tell it to go away and it will go away. You are in charge.
Now open the door and walk into the building. Go to a place in the building where you were hurt as child. * There is a child there. It is you when you were little. Notice what the child is wearing and what sort of mood its in. Crouch down near him/her and introduce yourself. * Hold your arms out to the child and say, "I love you and I am here for you." Tell the child you are going to take it to a safe place. * Give the child a hug. (If the child is angry tell it its Ok to feel angry. Tell the child you care and want to help. * Give the child a hug.) *
4. Hold the child in your arms and walk out of the building. Carry the child back to the peaceful place in nature where you were in the beginning. * There is a picnic basket there on a blanket and the child's favorite toy. Sit with the child and talk to it.
If the child is sad, give the child a hug and tell it you love it and that its Ok to cry. Ask it why it is sad. Listen to the answer. * Let the child know that you are here for it and will not abandon it no matter what it feels and no matter what happened to it. *
If the child is angry tell it its Ok to feel angry and ask it why it is angry. Tell the child you care and want to help. Take the time to listen and give reassurance. **
5. Eat the picnic lunch with the child and either play with the child, or just sit and talk or sit and hold it in your arms or take a nap together or whatever you and the child needs. **
6. When you feel ready to end the visualization, thank your spirit helper. Tell the child, "I love you." Ask the child to come with you in your heart. If it does not want to, it is OK, maybe next time or the time after that. Give the child a hug - a long comforting hug.**
7. Open your eyes and give yourself a hug. If you are crying tell yourself that its Ok to cry. You can cry for as long as you want to. Its time to let go of the pain.
If any part of your experience felt incomplete, its OK, you can go back to that place or that picnic or any other place as often as you want. If you completed it your sweet little inner child will always be there with you and your Spirit helper also will be if you ask it to. And your Spirit helper will give you a hug and hold you in its arms and comfort you any time you need it to. Know that you are loved.
Its Ok to cry.
Crying is like giving the heart a shower
to wash away accumulated dirt.
P.S. You can also do this sort of visualization to retrieve and bring home the Spirit child of your deceased relatives too. You can rescue them from those schools and bring them home where they belonged. You can be warrior saviors.
Child I Used To Be
On a lonely summer day I sat at the forest's edge
Feeling the impact of life's hard lessons,
When she came to me - a mere child of three,
In soiled, worn-out clothes and hair of honey gold.
I stared at her in wonder - taking in all I could see,
Then realized that she was the child I used to be.
I thought my eyes deceived 'till she began to speak,
Glaring with big brown eyes, as tears ran down her cheek,
"You spend your life searching but don't remember and see,
That I have been here waiting for you to return to me!
You left me and forgot the great plans we had for you,
The joyful games we'd play. and magical things we'd do."
She sat on the ground rubbing her cold, bare feet crying,
"You didn't take me with you, to the people we were to meet!
You forgot the castles we were to build in the sand,
And not once did you try to hold my little hand!"
She bowed her head declaring with a sigh,
"And worst of all, you forgot how to laugh and cry!"
My heart filled with sadness for I knew she was right.
I left her to grope alone on a cold and dreary night.
In over twenty years did not return or ever even try
To find the child I cast away for the pain I held inside.
I reached for her shaking hand and asked if she'd forgive,
While making a sincere promise that together we would live.
She climbed into my lap where we held each other and cried
Until joy was what was left of the pain we felt inside.
Group Inner Child Nurturing
I've also done this exercise and it can be extremely healing. It can be done with relatives or friends or in a formal support group.
The group sits in a circle and meditates and burns sage until everyone feels relaxed. All members focus on being in their hearts. One member at a time sits in the center of the circle and focuses on being the child he or she used to be. The surrounding members gently reach out to touch the center person's shoulders and upper back while saying things like; I love you. You are good. You are perfect just the way you are. You are not alone. You are safe now. I am here for you. I love you. Nobody is going to hurt you anymore. Its OK to cry. I care about you. (Add any other comforting and nurturing statements that children need from parents or that you need. You can imagine the Spirit of angels or ancestors or animals being there to embrace you too.)
If a person is tactile sensitive - feels uncomfortable with being touched, which may be the case with some victims of sexual abuse, do this exercise only verbally at first, but the person should work at opening up to the group gradually doing the touching, a little at a time, in order to help teach that nurturing can happen without the abuse happening. It may take time for some people to feel comfortable and safe with this exercise. Be very accepting of all types of responses and respect people's comfort zones. Adapt this exercise to fit each individual.
Its OK to Cry.
Crying is like giving the Heart a shower
to wash away accumulated dirt.
Crying Opens Hearts and Restores Spirits
to wash away accumulated dirt.
Crying Opens Hearts and Restores Spirits
Its OK to Cry
P.S. I wrote a book on healing if you are interested;
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